Women Driving Innovation, Leadership, and Inclusivity, in Technology

By Thenzie Stewart

Chairperson, IITPSA Women in IT Chapter

After reading Johan Steyn’s (founder, AIforBusiness.net) thought-provoking article on the Netflix series Adolescence, published on ITWeb Online, Opinion: Digital dangers: Insights from Netflix series Adolescence | ITWeb. I decided to watch it with my daughter. As a parent, this article truly struck a chord with me and the conversations it sparked were both eye-opening and deeply unsettling.

Beyond the raw insight into the challenges today’s teenagers face online, my daughter shared even more disturbing truths: stories of secret “rooms” on TikTok and Instagram that teens use to escape adult oversight. These aren’t literal rooms, but coded communities often hidden behind seemingly harmless content and fake accounts.

Emojis as a Hidden Language

She explained how emojis, those small, colourful icons we associate with friendliness, have evolved into a layered digital language. What may look like a peach (🍑) or eggplant (🍆) emoji to an adult can carry sexual innuendos. The clown face (🤡) is often used to mock someone as foolish. Even sparkles () or butterflies (🦋) can symbolize exclusionary “aesthetic” bullying or peer grouping.

Other emojis commonly misinterpreted by parents or less social media-savvy users include:

  • Fire (🔥) often used to express attraction or label something as exciting, but can also be part of inappropriate innuendos.
  • Skull (💀) used sarcastically to say something is so funny it “killed” them, but may also appear in contexts involving self-harm jokes or dark humor.
  • Face with Zipper Mouth (🤐) often signals secrecy or hiding something.
  • Devil Faces (😈/👿) can suggest mischievous behavior or be linked to bullying dynamics.
  • Droplets (💦) innocent to some but frequently used with sexual connotations in teen circles.

These symbols are often used in cyberbullying, where sarcasm and shaming are veiled behind emojis, memes, or “inside joke” captions. What looks like playful teasing may in fact be a form of relentless emotional harm.

My daughter also described how terms like “misogyny” and “misandry,” which once sparked genuine conversations about gender equality, are now manipulated in social media spaces. Teens often use these terms sarcastically or as weapons in online arguments, diluting their original meaning. In some circles, accusing someone of “misandry” is used to silence discussions about toxic masculinity. Conversely, “misogyny” is casually dropped into memes or comments, sometimes to mock emotional expression.

This distortion of language complicates how young people distinguish between real injustice and performative outrage.

Other Cyberbullying Trends

Beyond emojis and language, several other trends contribute to the rise in cyberbullying among teens:

  • Cancel Culture: Teens “cancel” peers by calling them out or excluding them based on a single incident, often without context or resolution.
  • Finstas (Fake Instagrams): Secret accounts used to post unfiltered content, sometimes targeting others anonymously.
  • Snapchat Streaks and Screenshots: Peer pressure to maintain streaks can lead to exclusion, and screenshots are often used to mock others.
  • Group Chat Isolation: Teens may create group chats that intentionally exclude someone or secretly discuss a peer behind their back.

These behaviors magnify emotional stress and contribute to an environment where online cruelty can be normalized.

Digital Identity and Exclusion

My daughter also revealed a heartbreaking reality: not having social media accounts like TikTok or Instagram can lead to exclusion. Teens without digital footprints are often ostracized, seen as out of touch, or mocked for being “babyish” or “sheltered.” This sense of digital alienation can harm a teen’s self-esteem and identity, even when their parents are simply trying to protect them. And while rare, there are still a few teens who are genuinely uninterested in social media.

Global Moves and Age Verification

Most platforms, including TikTok and Instagram, state a minimum age requirement of 13, but enforcement is weak. Many children simply lie about their age when signing up.

In contrast, Australia has taken a bold step. The Online Safety Amendment (Social Media Minimum Age) Bill 2024 mandates a new minimum age of 16 for social media users. It requires identity verification and imposes strict penalties on platforms that do not comply.

Parenting, Accountability, and the Role of Regulation

All too often, society shifts responsibility for children’s wellbeing onto schools, governments, or technology companies. But no amount of regulation can replace the role of engaged, informed, and present parenting.

We frequently expect schools to manage online conflicts or rely on algorithms to shield our children from harm. However, true digital parenting means being proactive. It involves learning the platforms, decoding emoji slang, understanding internet terminology, and engaging with online culture, even when it feels unfamiliar.

In South Africa, the challenge is even greater due to the digital divide. Many children are raised by grandparents who lack the digital literacy to monitor online activity. In child-headed households, older siblings, still children themselves, carry the burden of both parenting and digital supervision.

While South African policies like the National Child Care and Protection Policy attempt to acknowledge these realities, implementation remains a challenge.

What Can We Do?

Digital Literacy for Caregivers
Educate caregivers, especially grandparents, through accessible and community-based digital training initiatives.

Support for Vulnerable Households
Strengthen child-headed homes with NGO-driven mentorship programs and tech-safe spaces.

Stricter Age Verification
Encourage collaboration between telecoms, device manufacturers, and platforms to enable real-time user verification.

Empowerment Through Dialogue
Open honest conversations with teens about online manipulation, privacy, and harmful digital behavior.

Curriculum Integration
Incorporate online safety into Life Orientation and life skills subjects within the school system.

The Netflix series Adolescence doesn’t merely portray teens struggling online. It challenges us as adults to rise to the occasion. Our children are navigating a complex digital landscape filled with peer pressure, exclusion, emoji-coded bullying, and language distortion.

This article only scratches the surface of what is happening—and what still needs to be done. Technological concerns continue to evolve rapidly, with artificial intelligence (AI) increasingly playing a role in content curation, decision-making, and even cyberbullying through deepfakes or manipulated media. Literacy around privacy laws, such as South Africa’s Protection of Personal Information Act (POPIA), remains low among youth and many caregivers alike.

Moreover, there is often minimal consequence management in both digital and educational environments when it comes to online harassment, misinformation, or breaches of digital ethics. A multi-pronged effort involving parents, schools, policymakers, technology companies, and civil society is crucial to address these emerging threats and close the widening gap in digital protection and accountability.

We don’t need to fight the internet. Instead, we can embrace it as a powerful tool. Walking this digital journey alongside our children with empathy, curiosity, and accountability. By guiding our children, rather than shielding them, we can help them become thoughtful, resilient digital citizens.

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